Dreams

It was happening again. Every night it was the same. I always know that I'm dreaming but I can't wake up. The room is dark, but I can see vague shapes illuminated by the soft moonlight spilling in from the window. The moonlight intensified through the glass and swirled around my room filling it up with a crystal clear, bright liquid fill the room. The liquid shines brier and and brighter. It hurts my eyes to look at it. BHWAM...!!!! I feel the explosion resonate through my body before I see it. It's beautiful in it's lethality. Like a flawless diamond ripped apart at the seams. The fragments becoming a rainfall of diamonds catching and reflecting the light. The explosion echo's out and expands. It catches me in it's wave pushing me out into the nothingness. I swirl around senseless. No direction no light nothing only darkness. Scared and confused I panic and desperately try to find some way to get my bearings. My heart calms when I again find the Krystle clear liquid light. Relief washes over me and I think it's over. And then I remember, I always remember I'm still dreaming and the worst has yet to come.

I wake up in a cold sweat, breathing hard. I look around my room and realize that everything is fine. The moonlight is ordinary and nothing is threatening or bad. At least that's what usually happens.

Except for tonight.

Tonight I realize that I'm not dreaming. I never was. This is my reality and I've been dreaming all along. I feel the heavy crushing weight of dread fall on me as I look up to the sky. It's strange pink vibrance seeming incredibly familiar. I see it begin. I bright crystal light in the sky. It spread across blotting out all the stars as it went. And then the explosion. The blackness the nothingness. My heart plugged and I remembered the light. the light all at once back except for one spot in the sky where all the light was being pulled into. The sky where the light had been pulled away from was no longer pink but utterly black. No color, no stars, no light. A darkness like I cant describe. So immense and crushing. Like looking at it hurt.

Eventually almost all the light was pulled into the black hole. There was a collective sigh of acceptance from my entire planed as we were pulled into the black hole and crushed to pieces and made part of the cosmic wind cascading through the universe with all the lives that have lived. I am a dream in a web of dreams each night reliving and replaying in the minds of all those who still live.

The End

Scars

     Jennifer looked out her window at the pale moon shining in the night sky. She lingered a moment allowing the ambiguity of the moment wash over her. Her once ceaseless confidence marred by the seeds of doubt. It hadn't been long ago that the same scene had brought her comfort, but all she could find now in the dark clouds racing above was an insecurity like she had never know. She exhaled and watched her breath fog over the translucent pane of glass. Her fingers lightly traced patterns on the cold surface.
    Jennifer's eyes unfocused and she caught sight of her weak reflection. She cringed at the scars running down the side of her once beautiful face. Agonizing sorrow filled her soul and she collapsed in tears. Why? Why was she alone and why did she have to bear this fate? Losing her freedom was bad enough; did she really have to live the rest of her life disfigured and trapped? She lightly traced her fingers over the puffy scar tissue. It felt course and dry. The feeling of it was foreign and wrong.  Her hot tears continued to spill out and roll down her cheeks. Her anguish felt like a weight, crushing her soul. 

    A cruel laugh echoed across the room from the corner, inturupting her quiet sobs. She turned. There sitting in the red high backed chair was Jason. His pale skin seemed to reflect the dim florecent light the way a prism reflects the sun. He was beautiful in a way. 

    Jennifer saw him and her tears stopped. Her sorrow was instantly replaced with rage. Through clenched teeth she said, "leave me alone." Jason laughed again. His laugh rang through the room in a way that made her skin crawl. "You know I'm entitled to these visits," he said. "I've come to collect what's mine." This brought back the tears. Jennifer's felt her legs go weak and she collapsed in a heap on the floor. Jason walked over to to her and put his hand on her cheek. His fingers were ice cold against her skin, it almost burned. She jerked back. This close she could smell him. He smelled rotten, like something that had been left to decay. She looked up into his face and smiled. She could see the cracks running over his skin. She threw her head back and laughed triumphantly. "It's getting worse you know," she said proudly. "I won't last forever and then what will you do?" "We'll see," he said tightly as he stretched out his hand again. Jennifer braced herself for the pain she knew was coming. She had no way to resist him, the contract kept her bound. He placed his index finger against her cheek. She felt the searing agony rip through her as he slid it down burning her flesh as it went. Her eyes began to flutter, she saw the cracks in his skin healing and his smell became more and more pleasant. He released her. And appraised himself. He smiled. "That will do for now," he smirked. And then he was gone and she was alone again. Jennifer struggled to lift herself off the ground and made her way to the  desk. She wrapped her hands around the letter opener and jammed it into her throat. She felt warm blood cascade down her front she fell to the ground. She laughed to herself knowing it probably wouldn't work. Her eyes glazed and her breath faded. She woke up in her bed. She walked to the window and inspected her reflection. The mark where Jason had burned her was already healed and scared. Her screams fell on an empty room. 

                          The end

Sleepless

The disjointed chorus floated on the wind picked up by the casual observer watching the winter night trickle by in a solemn expression of loneliness and guilt. Alleged remembrances of forgotten crimes echoed through the empty streets dimming the cold and distant pain threatening to overwhelm and disrupt the sensual array of discord and violence. The mourning breaking free un-tying the oppressive bonds left by the once captive audience.
-Matthew Lynn

Painful Remembrances

Amber felt pensive as she watched the icy stream trickle down the hill. It hadn’t been long since walking down the block had seemed like an impossible journey, and now here she was eleven miles into the wilderness. The afternoon sun felt warm on her back and she could hear birds chirping in the trees.  A slight breeze teased her hair. It was well into spring but Amber could still smell the last traces of winter on the mountain. As she sat her thoughts drifted to the afternoon that had started it all, the day that had changed her forever.

            She could hear her mother crying. Even though she was standing next to her bedside it felt far away. Amber felt like a weight was crushing her chest. Like an invisible hand had grasped her lungs, squeezing the life out of her. She wasn’t that fortunate though. She would live, but she would never walk again. Amber felt rage well inside her. How could he come in and in one sentence change everything about her life and then have the audacity to say he had done everything he could. She felt tears roll down her cheeks; they felt white-hot leaving streaks down her bruised face. She heard her mother speak from the far off place next to her bed, quiet like the volume had been turned down, “it’ll be ok honey, we’ll make it through this.

            Amber snapped back to the present and fought the overwhelming wave of melancholy that accompanied remembering. She knew it was inevitable and it would only get worse. NO one could fight it forever. “Two years,” Amber scoffed “might as well have been two minutes.” She rolled a handful of pebbles in her palm throwing them one by on into the stream watching them get swept away to new places.  Amber’s heart ached. She wished she could begin again as easily as the stones. This wasn’t her beginning though. It was her end. Her breath caught and she once again felt the white hot burn of shallow tears.

            “WHY!” She screamed. The birds stopped singing and a few flew away. “Why was I so stupid! I knew better!” her breathing grew ragged as she clenched her teeth in fury. It had been his fault. He had come when she was vulnerable and she had too happily succumbed to his offer.

            Two months had passed since Amber had come home from the hospital and nothing had changed. She had listened to the lunacy of distant relatives and idle friends about miracles and over coming limitations. But no one could overcome a severed spinal cord. She would never again leave this bed. She had accepted it, why couldn’t everyone else? “It’s time to roll you over,” Anna said. Amber didn’t protest as the homely nurse who helped her parents with her care turned her so she wouldn’t develop bedsores. She almost never spoke anymore and when she did it was to insult someone. After all misery loves company. Her anger never subsided. Anna left the room and Amber looked through the window at the spring day. That was when she saw him, a boy around her age. He was tall and slender with an impish face. He saw her staring at him and smiled. His teeth glinted in the sunlight.

            Amber laughed bitterly as the pain rolled through her skull. She doubled over clutching her head. It passed as quickly as it had come. She felt wet on her lip. Her nose had started bleeding. It wouldn’t be long now she knew. The memories had been flowing back for over a week now and the more they came the sooner it would happen, the price of forgetting. The boy with the twinkling smile had offered her something and she had accepted.

            It was night; Amber could hear crickets chirping outside. The boy smiled his teeth were dazzling, even in the dark. He had been talking for a while but Amber couldn’t believe what he was saying. Perhaps she didn’t want to. Nothing was more painful than to have hope only to have it dashed away. “What do you think?” he asked. “ I dunno,” she said. “ It sounds pretty crazy and don’t even know your name.” “My name is David,” he said extending his hand. “Amber,” she replied curtly. “I can make all this go away Amber. You’ll walk again; you’ll be able to live your life. You wont even have to remember the accident. For two years I can take everything. All you have to do is shake my hand. Isn’t two good years better than a lifetime of misery?” Amber looked down at his hand still extended and grasped it.

            The pain came again, stronger than before. Amber’s body convulsed as she fell to the ground. It felt like her mind was being seared away by invisible flames. “AAGHHAHHAHH!” she screamed.  Agony ripped her body apart. Her back arched and she went limp and lost consciousness. When she woke it was dark. The stream still gurgled past her and the moon cast ghostly shadows on the hilltop. She knew he was there before she sat up. “No,” she sobbed. David’s smile glinted in the moonlight. “It’s time,” he said “go on now and pay the piper.” Amber cried harder as he strode towards her. She tried to push herself up. Her arms felt weak and wobbly and she fell back to the dirt. He was close now. She tried again pushing up with all her strength. She stood and began to run.

 Amber ran down the hill, fighting the soreness she felt all over. She could hear David laughing behind her. She pushed herself harder. Amber felt herself slowing. “What?” she cried in confusion. Her legs felt heavy and moved sloppily. They began to drag. She looked behind; David had slowed to a walk no longer giving chase. “You can’t run away Amber, A deals a deal.” Her legs gave out under her weight, useless and dead. She pulled herself away from him frantically with her arms dragging herself. Her breath came out in ripping sobs. Tears soaked her dirt stained face and she could feel her finger nails breaking. David stopped next to her and planted his foot in the center of her back. Amber screamed as stabbing pains shot through her spine. He kicked her cruelly and turned her over. “You’re out of time Amber.” His voice sounded cool and calming. She saw his palm come down and felt it touch her forehead. The fire burned through her again more intense than ever before. Everything came flooding back. All that she had wanted to forget. Pain cascaded through her broken body and then it was over. David’s face was finally somber. “You were one of my favorites,” he said as he turned, leaving her lifeless body sprawled in the dust.

The End

 By Aoife Anderson

Thought

 A moment of conscious thought proceeds every action. Guiding forces at rest towards the inevitable course of motion. Gliding across our minds, blinding us towards all but the will to do.  And if that action will break us down, destroy all that we are, then how will we stop the growth of a perfectly planted seed. is it enough to force yourself to abandon a process of though and by dong so dwelling permanently in the grains of destruction  can out bodies resist the will of your minds? is it possible to keep from indulging in the painful bliss of action?
 Perfect clarity is all that will keep you from falling into the hands of fate. A flawless understanding of how every thought breeds an action and how every action will affect the future permanently etching  each decision into stone.

Duality

A sweet caress in a moment of surrender. A shadow's dance on the horizon  An act of faith followed by a flicker of doubt. An involuntary surge of excitement and fear. Euphoric laughter in bitter despair. An end to all reason

What is LOVE?

     Today I read a post in my sister in laws blog. The main theme was love. It was both inspiring and thought provoking. It got me thinking a lot about the big L word. What is love? What drives it? Where does it come from? Why doesn't everyone have it? I don't think I'll address all of those questions but I'd like to jot down this train of thought.
     I was lying in bed and the wheels in my mind started turning. To the point that I found myself unable to sleep. I got out of bed and showered and while I showered I pondered what love means to me. Love is a deep and passionate force that drives human existence. Without love there is no reason for existing. I spent most my life searching for love and ironically I've spent most of my life surrounded by it.
   There are many types of love. Not all of them are romantic but all of them are an incredibly strong connection between you and another human being. My true friends are a small number when counted up but I love all my friends fiercely. I like to say that family isn't always who you share blood with but who you would shed blood for. There isn't one person who I would list as my friend that I wouldn't be willing to lay my life down for without a second thought. Loyalty is deeply rooted in love and necessary for the survival of humanity.
    I have the amazing luck of being in love with one of the sweetest girls on this earth. She is kind and gentle and caring. She has the biggest heart of anyone I know. I am a better person because she is in my life. There isn't anything I wouldn't do for her. I love her passionately, deeply, completely. With all my heart and soul and with everything that I am. She has become my life and even when we have disagreements there is nothing I would change about her. She is perfect. Thank you Ashley for being the guiding influence in my life.
     I love my family. They have always been there for me through the good and the bad. Family is an essential support that everyone needs. A family is people who love you even though you're quirky, odd and downright stubborn.
     I guess the ultimate love comes from God and his son Jesus Christ. There is no love more full or complete. Its a perfect love that cannot be tarnished by any folly or mistake that humanity can come up with. We aren't perfect but somewhere in this universe is a perfect being who loves us guiding us in our day to day actions. I don't know what I would do without my testimony of Christ as my living savior.
     I guess I didn't really answer any of the questions I posed at the begining of this article. I don't really have the answers. Maybe I'm not supposed to. It can take lifetimes to solve all the mysteries this world has to offer and I'm satisfied just living my life to the fullest of my ability. Have a wonderful night dear people.

By  Matthew Lynn