"Everyone has a role. Everyone including and perhaps especially you, are indespensible." Nathaniel Hawthorn
Monday, March 7, 2011
Unjust Memories
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Winter's Heart
I stand, daring myself to move. The moons light softly reflected in the serene water. Freshly fallen snow rests on the branches of a barren forest. A faint breeze stirs like the trees are exhaling, waiting for the moment of ultimate decision from which there is no return. The image reflected in the surface winters pond is momentarily disquieted by the anxiety of the trees. Imaginative whisperings of a story waiting to be written glide through my mind as I ponder what could have been and what could still be promising what cannot be mine. All that is required is for me to turn and leave, never looking back to youths discontent in the cold qualms of age. But to leave now. To bow out, give up. That would be a sin that could not be forgiven when the final judgement is called for. I look again on the water with a new resolve and the forest ceases to breathe, holding its breath recognising the signs of determination. I tense my legs preparing to leap into the icy depths. The world slows as I propel myself from the ground. I know that death is a likely outcome for my actions but the reward of success outweighs the heavy threat. As my jump peaks the earth rushes forward to reclaim the time it allowed me to borrow. I hit the glassy surface feet first sliding through like a hot iron through butter. I slow as I sink farther into the icy depths. Panic sets in as I am struck by a cold so devastating that all thoughts and beliefs that had once belonged to me no longer exist. The Arctic chill of the water seeps effortlessly through my body freezing me to the core. Everything I am and everything I had hoped to be are stripped away in an instant leaving me bear and unprotected against the onslaught of sensation. My breath leaves me before I start for the surface. I frantically kick my legs not knowing if I have turned, if I am propelling myself up towards my salvation or down deeper into the prison I so readily entered. My head breaks through the veil separating me from reality and I scream allowing my lungs to expand and fill with air. Un-rythmatically I begin to swim, struggling against the force of a once dead wind. In between my strokes I see my goal but never obtain any distance. My body quickly tires loosing the battle it cant remember choosing to fight. From a forgotten depth strength is summoned and I continue to push forward. I feel my palm hit a solid surface. The shore line. Blood runs un-noticed down my arm as I wrench my exhausted body from the water. As I collapse I feel summers heat on my back while awareness fades. I have left behind the empty shell I used to be.