Today I read a post in my sister in laws blog. The main theme was love. It was both inspiring and thought provoking. It got me thinking a lot about the big L word. What is love? What drives it? Where does it come from? Why doesn't everyone have it? I don't think I'll address all of those questions but I'd like to jot down this train of thought.
I was lying in bed and the wheels in my mind started turning. To the point that I found myself unable to sleep. I got out of bed and showered and while I showered I pondered what love means to me. Love is a deep and passionate force that drives human existence. Without love there is no reason for existing. I spent most my life searching for love and ironically I've spent most of my life surrounded by it.
There are many types of love. Not all of them are romantic but all of them are an incredibly strong connection between you and another human being. My true friends are a small number when counted up but I love all my friends fiercely. I like to say that family isn't always who you share blood with but who you would shed blood for. There isn't one person who I would list as my friend that I wouldn't be willing to lay my life down for without a second thought. Loyalty is deeply rooted in love and necessary for the survival of humanity.
I have the amazing luck of being in love with one of the sweetest girls on this earth. She is kind and gentle and caring. She has the biggest heart of anyone I know. I am a better person because she is in my life. There isn't anything I wouldn't do for her. I love her passionately, deeply, completely. With all my heart and soul and with everything that I am. She has become my life and even when we have disagreements there is nothing I would change about her. She is perfect. Thank you Ashley for being the guiding influence in my life.
I love my family. They have always been there for me through the good and the bad. Family is an essential support that everyone needs. A family is people who love you even though you're quirky, odd and downright stubborn.
I guess the ultimate love comes from God and his son Jesus Christ. There is no love more full or complete. Its a perfect love that cannot be tarnished by any folly or mistake that humanity can come up with. We aren't perfect but somewhere in this universe is a perfect being who loves us guiding us in our day to day actions. I don't know what I would do without my testimony of Christ as my living savior.
I guess I didn't really answer any of the questions I posed at the begining of this article. I don't really have the answers. Maybe I'm not supposed to. It can take lifetimes to solve all the mysteries this world has to offer and I'm satisfied just living my life to the fullest of my ability. Have a wonderful night dear people.
By Matthew Lynn
Friday, March 9, 2012
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
Uncertainty
Will I be lost forever? Will I survive the heavy tide of life. Will the flame inside my soul be quenched by the coming flood? A part of me hopes the answer is yes. That the fire burning deep in my heart pushing me forward giving me the will to survive will be extinguished.
Ultimately destroying all that I've done, all that I will be. Freeing me from a cold and uncertain future. I see them everyday. The faceless. Those who have been broken by the world, forgotten their purpose and ceased to chase their youthful dreams. how liberating ignorance can be.
Is being lost worth relief from the pain? Worth your very soul? Can an answer be found without passing over to the other side? And once you've passed will you remember your sacrifice or will it unravel itself completely from your being and be truly dismissed? With so many unanswerable questions uncertainty is the only true certainty
By- Matthew Lynn
Monday, March 5, 2012
Rebecca's Nightmare
Rebecca sat reminiscing in the warm sunshine. Birds were chirping and the cool breeze still had a faint tinge of winter on its lips. Life had been simpler then she thought. The clouds moved lazily across the sky shading the sunlight for brief moments.
Rebecca sighed. How had she gotten here. Sitting alone on a stone bench in an abandoned park.
She supposed that it had started with meeting Jeremy. That was a moments she would never forget.
She supposed that it had started with meeting Jeremy. That was a moments she would never forget.
The sun was shining gently through the branches of the trees making shadows dance across his face. His blue eyes sparkled and his teeth grinned wildly . "Walk with me a moment," he said. He was so cavalier and full of energy. Rebecca couldn't resist. Without giving a reply she began walking by his side down the narrow dirt trail.
He had just been a stranger then. A seemingly harmless acquaintance to make. If only she had known how dangerous he could be. If only I'd known him then, she thought. But she wouldn't be the same person she was now. Maybe that was better. Maybe then shed be sitting somewhere else. Perhaps accompanied instead of painfully alone.
Rebecca slowly placed her book neatly into her backpack. As she rose to leave she took one last look around the park. Still empty. She walked toward her car. She opened the driver side door and tossed her backpack into the back seat before settling in behind the wheel. She put the key in the ignition and the turned the car on.
As Rebecca drove home the sun began to set. She muttered under her breath. Driving in the dark wasn't her strong suit. She was angry with herself for staying so long in the park. Irritated she turned the radio on. A cheesy sub par commercial for a shoddy jewler blared through her speakers. She swithched the stereo back off.
A fog was begining to rise over the road sparkling in the moonlight. Rebecca was feeling drowsy, her eyelids were heavy and her head bobbed up and down. ERRRSCHERRK!!! Rebecca slammed on her breaks as a figure materialized in the fog and ran strait in front of her car. She wasn't going to be able to stop in time! She knew it. Her heart was pounding. Rebecca closed her eyes and waited for the impact. The car shuddered to a stop. I didn't feel a bump, Rebecca thought. She was breathing heavily.
Shaking from the adrenaline she got out of the car and tenitively looked over the top of the door. "Hello?" She called into the darkness. There was no reply. Rebecca walked around the car. There was nothing! How could there be nothing? She could have sworn she saw... But that wasn't possible. She looked up, the fog swirling in her headlights.
Suddenly her heart dropped and it felt like she had swallowed a bucket of ice. This is where it had happended. The hairs on her arms stood up and she felt incredibly exposed. She ran back to her car shoved it into gear and took off. The painful memories began to fill her mind
Rebecca was breathing heavily, she had been running. Panic filled every fiber of her body. She was making too much noise. She knew it but she couldn't stop. He would find her. He always did. She tried to push her self deeper into the bush. She could hear his steady footsteps approching. "Oh no, oh no, oh no," she wimpered. She heard his laugh as he stopped in front of the bush she was hiding in. " I know your in there Rebecca why don't you just come out?"
No it wasn't going to end like this. She wouldn't let it. She burst through the bushes and hit him directlly in the chest. He fell to the ground and dropped the knife he was holding. Rebecca was on top of him. She acted swiftly. She grabbed the knife and rammed it into his chest without a second though. He laughed as the blood spilled from his chest and the light began to fade from his eyes. "I'll find you again, I always do," Jeremy's last words resonated in her ears. The police had questioned her and let her go. Self defense they had said. It didn't make her feel better. The fact that he was crazy and that he would have killed her didn't matter. She had killed a man.
When Rebecca arrived home she was still shaken. She set her keys down on the kitchen counter and quickly made a sandwich. She ate ravenously and washed the sandwich down with a glass of milk. "It was just a hallucination," she said aloud, "just a side affect of falling asleep behind the wheel."
She began her nightly routine. She undressed and got in the shower. The hot water rushed over her. She sighed. A feeling of ease was begining to set in. The lights flickered. Rebecca screamed. Who's there she called. Silence answered her. She exhaled. "Just a power surge," she said. Rebecca finished her shower quickly. She dried herself and dressed in her pajama's. She walked down the hallway to her bedroom and climbed beneath the covers. She retrieved a book that was sitting on the bedside table and began to read.
The hours past but she didn't feel like sleeping. She shivered. It had gotten cold. "I'd better turn up the heat," she mummbled. Rebecca got out of bed and checked the thermostat on the bedroom wall. It read 74. That cant be right she thought its freezing in here. It must be broken. Annoyed Rebecca turned to return to bed and ran strait into something hard and solid. Dazed she fell to the floor. She looked up. Her blood froze in her veins. AGHHHHHAHHH!!! she shrieked. "It cant be!" Standing over her was Jeremy. His face was dirty and full of anger. Blood dripped from his chest onto the floor.
"You're dead," she stammered as she slowly backed away. "Yes," he replied. His eyes twinkled just as much as ever and he had the same wild grin he'd always worn. "And you killed me." "You would have killed me if I hadn't," Rebecca said. Tears were beginning to stream down her face. "I told you I would find you Rebecca. No one ever leaves me, and now we can be together forever." Jeremey said. "I don't want to be with you!" Rebecca screamed.
She stoop up to run and Jeremy grabbed her. He lifted her from the ground by her throat. She kicked her legs wildly and clawed at his arms but it didn't help. She could feel his fingernails digging into the skin in her neck blood was starting to trickle down her shoulders. She tried to scream but only a feeble rasping sound came out. She continued to kick and the more she struggled the weaker she became. Her eye's were so heavy and the pain had stopped. I think I'll sleep now she thought. She closed her eyes and Jeremy dropped her and vanished leaving her lifeless body sprawled on the burgundy carpet.
By- Matthew Lynn
He had just been a stranger then. A seemingly harmless acquaintance to make. If only she had known how dangerous he could be. If only I'd known him then, she thought. But she wouldn't be the same person she was now. Maybe that was better. Maybe then shed be sitting somewhere else. Perhaps accompanied instead of painfully alone.
Rebecca slowly placed her book neatly into her backpack. As she rose to leave she took one last look around the park. Still empty. She walked toward her car. She opened the driver side door and tossed her backpack into the back seat before settling in behind the wheel. She put the key in the ignition and the turned the car on.
As Rebecca drove home the sun began to set. She muttered under her breath. Driving in the dark wasn't her strong suit. She was angry with herself for staying so long in the park. Irritated she turned the radio on. A cheesy sub par commercial for a shoddy jewler blared through her speakers. She swithched the stereo back off.
A fog was begining to rise over the road sparkling in the moonlight. Rebecca was feeling drowsy, her eyelids were heavy and her head bobbed up and down. ERRRSCHERRK!!! Rebecca slammed on her breaks as a figure materialized in the fog and ran strait in front of her car. She wasn't going to be able to stop in time! She knew it. Her heart was pounding. Rebecca closed her eyes and waited for the impact. The car shuddered to a stop. I didn't feel a bump, Rebecca thought. She was breathing heavily.
Shaking from the adrenaline she got out of the car and tenitively looked over the top of the door. "Hello?" She called into the darkness. There was no reply. Rebecca walked around the car. There was nothing! How could there be nothing? She could have sworn she saw... But that wasn't possible. She looked up, the fog swirling in her headlights.
Suddenly her heart dropped and it felt like she had swallowed a bucket of ice. This is where it had happended. The hairs on her arms stood up and she felt incredibly exposed. She ran back to her car shoved it into gear and took off. The painful memories began to fill her mind
Rebecca was breathing heavily, she had been running. Panic filled every fiber of her body. She was making too much noise. She knew it but she couldn't stop. He would find her. He always did. She tried to push her self deeper into the bush. She could hear his steady footsteps approching. "Oh no, oh no, oh no," she wimpered. She heard his laugh as he stopped in front of the bush she was hiding in. " I know your in there Rebecca why don't you just come out?"
No it wasn't going to end like this. She wouldn't let it. She burst through the bushes and hit him directlly in the chest. He fell to the ground and dropped the knife he was holding. Rebecca was on top of him. She acted swiftly. She grabbed the knife and rammed it into his chest without a second though. He laughed as the blood spilled from his chest and the light began to fade from his eyes. "I'll find you again, I always do," Jeremy's last words resonated in her ears. The police had questioned her and let her go. Self defense they had said. It didn't make her feel better. The fact that he was crazy and that he would have killed her didn't matter. She had killed a man.
When Rebecca arrived home she was still shaken. She set her keys down on the kitchen counter and quickly made a sandwich. She ate ravenously and washed the sandwich down with a glass of milk. "It was just a hallucination," she said aloud, "just a side affect of falling asleep behind the wheel."
She began her nightly routine. She undressed and got in the shower. The hot water rushed over her. She sighed. A feeling of ease was begining to set in. The lights flickered. Rebecca screamed. Who's there she called. Silence answered her. She exhaled. "Just a power surge," she said. Rebecca finished her shower quickly. She dried herself and dressed in her pajama's. She walked down the hallway to her bedroom and climbed beneath the covers. She retrieved a book that was sitting on the bedside table and began to read.
The hours past but she didn't feel like sleeping. She shivered. It had gotten cold. "I'd better turn up the heat," she mummbled. Rebecca got out of bed and checked the thermostat on the bedroom wall. It read 74. That cant be right she thought its freezing in here. It must be broken. Annoyed Rebecca turned to return to bed and ran strait into something hard and solid. Dazed she fell to the floor. She looked up. Her blood froze in her veins. AGHHHHHAHHH!!! she shrieked. "It cant be!" Standing over her was Jeremy. His face was dirty and full of anger. Blood dripped from his chest onto the floor.
"You're dead," she stammered as she slowly backed away. "Yes," he replied. His eyes twinkled just as much as ever and he had the same wild grin he'd always worn. "And you killed me." "You would have killed me if I hadn't," Rebecca said. Tears were beginning to stream down her face. "I told you I would find you Rebecca. No one ever leaves me, and now we can be together forever." Jeremey said. "I don't want to be with you!" Rebecca screamed.
She stoop up to run and Jeremy grabbed her. He lifted her from the ground by her throat. She kicked her legs wildly and clawed at his arms but it didn't help. She could feel his fingernails digging into the skin in her neck blood was starting to trickle down her shoulders. She tried to scream but only a feeble rasping sound came out. She continued to kick and the more she struggled the weaker she became. Her eye's were so heavy and the pain had stopped. I think I'll sleep now she thought. She closed her eyes and Jeremy dropped her and vanished leaving her lifeless body sprawled on the burgundy carpet.
By- Matthew Lynn
Sunday, March 4, 2012
Cathrine
For a moment I lost myself. Allowed the scene so vibrant and awake shake me from reality and blow my cares away. The hot sun on my face, the breeze in my hair. A faint shred of popcorn and cigarettes The last thing I wanted was to be seen here. Who wants to hang out with a jerk who goes to an amusement park by himself? Oh why did I let myself wander onto this path? Because Cathrine was here of course. Somewhere in the surging crowd of chaos and sweet Cathrine was waiting for me to say all the right words and sweep her off her feet.
Her sapphire eyes offset by her long, brown hair. How could I not come? She was probably going to reject me. I knew that, but I couldn't make myself turn away. Not now. I walked through the shoddy turn-stall, the only barrier between me and the bustling carnival grounds. I was immediately awed by the bright lights and whirring sounds of rides rocketing around at nauseating speeds. A perpetual stream of screams mixed with laughter combined by a steady hum of conversation filled the background. I started to feel overwhelmed and thrilled. Caught in an ocean of people. Rubbing shoulders with perfect strangers without a care. But even with a world of distractions at my fingertips, Cathrine couldn't be pushed from my thoughts. I lazily scanned the faces in the crowd, waiting for a familiar expression to wander into my view. She can't be far, I told myself. I ran my fingers along the cool, metal railing next to the merry-go-round. Maybe you should just forget her, I said to myself. She's just a pretty girl; the world is full of them. But I knew that wasn't true. There was something about her eyes that had permanently burned her image into my mind. She consumed my thoughts. How could I think of anyone else until I had exhausted all possibilities of hope. I scanned the crowd again and a cold tingle ran up my spine.
An overwhelming sense of dread flooded through my body. Panic welled inside me. Fight or flight taking over as my adrenaline peaked. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Easy, you aren't done here yet. It's alright. Just keep looking. I opened my eyes and looked to the left. I sputtered and my heart skipped a berat. There! Behind the rollar coaster track! Cathrine was standing alone in all her glory. Thunder rumbled and rain began to fall. An ominous moan rose from the collective masses. Cathrine looked my way. Now way! She saw me! My heart was racing. I wet my lips with my tongue as she made eye contact. Suddenly I was ice again.
I remembered why I couldn't forget her face. Why her eyes were so fixating. It was that flat coldness almost masked by a vindictive smile. I felt my stomach turn. "No!!!" I screamed. But I was too late. I saw her laughing as she touched the track briefly, pulling her hand away just in time as the rollar coaster car thundered past. Her eyes were shining now. She looked positively joyful as the car hit the object she had placed in its path, de-railing into the pool of onlookers. Sickening crunches accompanied by the sound of twisting metal filled the air. It was silent for a moment before the screaming started. Everyone panicked, running too and fro. Confusion filled my mind. How could I forget? I fell to the ground, my head spinning. Why couldn't I stop this? Dazzled, I looked up. Cathrine was standing over me, her eyes sparkling more than ever.
"You," I sputtered. A wide grin spread across her face. "Yes," she replied. Her hand moved rapidly. Striking before I could see the large knife that pierced my throat. She laughed as I gurgled on my own blood. Trying to cry for help but unable to form audible pleads. My eyes began to dim but I could still hear her bell-like laughter as I drifted to sleep for the last time.
By Matthew Lynn
Her sapphire eyes offset by her long, brown hair. How could I not come? She was probably going to reject me. I knew that, but I couldn't make myself turn away. Not now. I walked through the shoddy turn-stall, the only barrier between me and the bustling carnival grounds. I was immediately awed by the bright lights and whirring sounds of rides rocketing around at nauseating speeds. A perpetual stream of screams mixed with laughter combined by a steady hum of conversation filled the background. I started to feel overwhelmed and thrilled. Caught in an ocean of people. Rubbing shoulders with perfect strangers without a care. But even with a world of distractions at my fingertips, Cathrine couldn't be pushed from my thoughts. I lazily scanned the faces in the crowd, waiting for a familiar expression to wander into my view. She can't be far, I told myself. I ran my fingers along the cool, metal railing next to the merry-go-round. Maybe you should just forget her, I said to myself. She's just a pretty girl; the world is full of them. But I knew that wasn't true. There was something about her eyes that had permanently burned her image into my mind. She consumed my thoughts. How could I think of anyone else until I had exhausted all possibilities of hope. I scanned the crowd again and a cold tingle ran up my spine.
An overwhelming sense of dread flooded through my body. Panic welled inside me. Fight or flight taking over as my adrenaline peaked. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Easy, you aren't done here yet. It's alright. Just keep looking. I opened my eyes and looked to the left. I sputtered and my heart skipped a berat. There! Behind the rollar coaster track! Cathrine was standing alone in all her glory. Thunder rumbled and rain began to fall. An ominous moan rose from the collective masses. Cathrine looked my way. Now way! She saw me! My heart was racing. I wet my lips with my tongue as she made eye contact. Suddenly I was ice again.
I remembered why I couldn't forget her face. Why her eyes were so fixating. It was that flat coldness almost masked by a vindictive smile. I felt my stomach turn. "No!!!" I screamed. But I was too late. I saw her laughing as she touched the track briefly, pulling her hand away just in time as the rollar coaster car thundered past. Her eyes were shining now. She looked positively joyful as the car hit the object she had placed in its path, de-railing into the pool of onlookers. Sickening crunches accompanied by the sound of twisting metal filled the air. It was silent for a moment before the screaming started. Everyone panicked, running too and fro. Confusion filled my mind. How could I forget? I fell to the ground, my head spinning. Why couldn't I stop this? Dazzled, I looked up. Cathrine was standing over me, her eyes sparkling more than ever.
"You," I sputtered. A wide grin spread across her face. "Yes," she replied. Her hand moved rapidly. Striking before I could see the large knife that pierced my throat. She laughed as I gurgled on my own blood. Trying to cry for help but unable to form audible pleads. My eyes began to dim but I could still hear her bell-like laughter as I drifted to sleep for the last time.
By Matthew Lynn
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Mirrored Hallways
A secret whispered on a moonlit path concealed by an aching remembrance of a moment lost, unable to be retrieved. Unopened letters condoling an unfeeling heart broken and bitter, destroyed in the emptiness of a passionate disruption from the wounded abnormalities trapping us inside a beaten shell of a battered soul
-By Matthew Lynn
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